Who Dropped You? - Healing From a Crippling Fall

 

I was on a taxi moto/bodaboda one Thursday evening, on my way to church for cell (small group meeting). Prior to that, Lyse, my lovely wife (still dating then) and I were on a phone call and as usual, I’d enjoyed every minute of it. Even better, she’s the one who’d called me, which is something that makes me feel so special. 

However, as the moto wound down and up the road, through the chilly swamp that sits between Nyarutarama and Kibagabaga, I couldn’t help but wonder why I didn’t call her as much as I could, especially considering the fact that hearing her voice actually lightened up my heart. “Then why don’t you call me as much?” I remember her asking me once, to which I had no answer. Little did I know the answer was patiently waiting for me, at church.

As usual, it all started with some catching up with friends over some snacks, sharing some news about ourselves, how the week has been, the highs, the lows and what not. And then, the pastor shared the verse God had placed in his spirit to share with us that evening. It was 2 Samuel 4:4;

“And Jonathan son of Saul had a son who was lame in both feet. He was five years old when the news about Saul and Jonathan came from Jezreel. His nurse picked him up and fled, but as she hurried to leave, he fell and became disabled. His name was Mephibosheth.”

Mephibosheth (It’s way easier to write this name than pronounce it…try it) got disabled as a child, as a result of being dropped by his nurse. That must have been a nasty fall. After sharing this portion of scripture, the pastor continued to share his insights, trying to relate Mephibosheth’s situation to many of the spiritual and emotional disabilities we face today. We didn’t see the BOMB coming.

“So…who dropped you?” he asked us with a wide grin on his face. It’s like he enjoyed catching us with our guards down. There was no way out. The question had already been planted and got rooted as we immediately, subconsciously thought of the people who “dropped” us at some point in our lives.

For me, the question I was asked about an hour earlier echoed again in my mind, “Then why don’t you call me as much?” It took me on a trip down memory lane, as I reflected on it. I remembered the past relationships that meant something to me. I was on point with calling these other girls. But with Lyse, I wasn’t quite the same. If anything, she deserved much more than I’d ever offered.

I wondered why I wasn’t quite the same. And then it hit me. None of those relationships ended well. I’d always ended up drained, heartbroken, exhausted and feeling rejected. I’d gotten so numb that it had become like second nature to me to not reach out as much as I used to. Subconsciously, I associated doing what I used to do with rejection. It had become something like, “What’s the point of doing all of that, if I’m going to get rejected in the end?” As a result, I’d been unable to give my all. Texts and voice notes had become the safe place for me to do my thing, and I’d gotten too comfortable with it.

“It’s time for a change,” I decided, after digging deep and unearthing the root cause of my issues. “She deserves much better than this. I can do better than this.”

Those realisations changed the course of my relationship, and boy oh boy, has the lady been glowing…hehehe…and the smile on her face as her heart fills with every phone or video call is worth breaking off the fear of rejection for. I thank God for His healing.