The Power of CONFESSION - How God broke me free from Pornography

 

It was a Friday night, and I was at church. It was a special service. Our lead pastor was excited to have his leader, the Bishop at my church’s parent church, visit from Nairobi. He was coming to officially give us the news we’d already heard; our lead pastor’s assignment in Rwanda had come to an end, and it was time to hand over the baton. But that’s not what I’d like to share. What God had in store for me that night caught me off guard. I can’t blame Him, however. I brought it upon myself.

As always, we had a great moment of praise and worship before our pastor happily introduced the Bishop and his wife. And then came the sermon. The Bishop, one of the most eloquent speakers I’ve ever heard, preached on “Confession.” Many of the things he preached about, I’d heard before. But his amazing storytelling and so many precious gems he added to my prior knowledge had me hooked. Towards the end of his sermon, he threw in the scripture that shed a bright light on what God had done for me about five months before. My spiritual antennae were fully activated, and the Holy Spirit decided it was time to move in for the kill. He started nudging me.

“It’s time for you to testify about…” He said.

“Huh?” I resisted. “In front of these people? Why? I wasn’t prepared for this.”

“You promised me, ‘Lord, I’ll tell of what you did, if you break this chain that’s bound me for so long.’ I broke it, didn’t I?” He answered me.

“Oh snap! Yes, I did,” I humbly replied under my breath.

I’d started breathing heavily, my heart trying to thump its way out of my chest, when I rose from my chair and went to whisper into my pastor’s ear, “I have a testimony I need to share,” to which he responded, “Ok,” with a nod. Five minutes later, I was on the pulpit facing the congregation, all silently looking at me, waiting to hear what I had to share.

“I’d like to share a brief testimony, for I can relate to everything the Bishop has spoken of,” I began. “The portion of scripture he mentioned just revealed to me what God did for me in a way I hadn’t seen before. However, for Him to do it for me, He required me to confess.” I proceeded to share my testimony:

Ever since I was a teenager, I’d been addicted to pornography and everything else that came with it. Even after giving my life to Christ in 2012, it’s the one thing I’d struggled with the most. Over the years, as it grew in the dark, it affected my sexual health drastically and that lowered my self esteem even more. Believe me. I tried so hard to break free from it, in vain, but of course, I had to learn the hard way that I couldn't do it on my own. It's something I was so ashamed of. Only three people had I shared the struggle with.

After I got engaged and was preparing to get married to my beautiful fiancé then, I realized I didn’t want to start a marriage with that vice still attached to me. My spirit got more restless with every day that passed, and so I prayed, asking God to lift the burden once and for all. God being God, told me I had to expose it. I had to bring it to light. I had to confess. I didn’t want to. I wasn’t up for that embarrassment, and so I ignored the instruction and tried negotiating, “I’ll make sure I tell the people if you do it.”

Now, one of the ways God gets my attention when He wants me to do something is through written words. Everywhere I turn, be it on my Facebook page, WhatsApp group, Verse of the day, and even when I buy a new book to read, that same message will pop up UNTIL I act upon it, and then it vanishes from sight (He makes sure it stays engraved in my heart…never to be forgotten). In this case, it was ‘Confess your sin.' After finally giving in, I asked, "Ok…To whom should I confess?"

"To Lyse,” He said.

“WHYYY?”

That was by far the hardest thing God had ever told me to do. My very first fear was how she’d see me after sharing my darkest secret. I was afraid of how it would affect her. But it was too late to turn back. God had made it clear, and I was even more reluctant to disobey Him. With His assurance that I’ll be OK, and that of one of my best friends, I gathered up to my last ounce of courage and sent my lady a long voice note. I spilled it all out and waited with nerves on my neck twitching for her reaction (A story for another day).

May 12^th2018 was the day I confessed, and that was the beginning of a new found freedom. From that day, I felt a change in me. I felt a weight lifted off of me. I felt a sense of freedom I’d never felt in as long as I can remember. Up until that night at Trinity Chapel Kigali, I couldn’t understand what happened. All I could say was that God did it, and I still say so. But I didn’t quite understand how until the Bishop quoted 1 John 1:9.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

Since then, not only have I been porn-free, but also urge-to-watch-porn free. I confessed as He told me to, and He was FAITHFUL and JUST to FORGIVE and PURIFY me from pornography.

And He's FAITHFUL and JUST to FORGIVE and PURIFY you too, from whatever it is you're struggling with.

Just take the step and CONFESS!