Love You Long Distance - Strengthening our Bond in a Long Distance Relationship

 


My wife, Lyse and I were in a long distance relationship and marriage for a good while. "How do you handle it?" people asked me often because of that. And I tried to reply honestly, "It's not easy, but by God's grace we're pushing through and handling it well. Believe it or not, there are things we're learning that we maybe couldn't have so well if it weren't for the long distance."

For example, as crucial as it is in any relationship, communication is an art that has to be learned. How well and effectively it's done is unique to every individual and couple, especially when it comes to serious matters. I remember my former pastor telling us one day during some marriage counselling, "You have to talk every day, no matter what." 

See, it was easy to do so when everything was all good between us. But how about when we bumped heads and ran into conflict? When we're together physically, we still have to sleep on the same bed like any other night. When we were apart though, the option to put the phone away, or turn it off altogether was there. However, for the sake of the marriage, pride had to be tossed aside to still pick up the phone at the same time we normally did, and text, "Hey love. Good morning. How are you today? Slept well?" or, "Good night. Sleep well. I love you." INTENTIONALITY was the key.

Speaking of intentionality, it doesn't apply only during storms. It's needed also to constantly build the marriage and emotionally tighten the bond. With long distance, not as much time as you want can be spent together, especially where different time zones are involved. Sacrifices have to be made. 

I would have to sleep later than I usually did, or she would have to  wake up earlier than usual, so we could spend some quality time together. Work and other conflicting schedules sometimes didn't allow us spare time during the day, but thank God for technology. We could always send each other voice notes and detail the events of our days...even when we were mad at each other.

Also, something she did more than me, was send me links to videos or podcasts. It took a while for me to realise how important it was to honour that and intentionally make time to watch or listen to them. I found out that by doing so, it showed my interest in what she found so interesting to compel her to share with me. Even more so, I came to see the advantage of it all; When we talked and discussed the topic at hand, it actually became a time of connection and bonding on different levels. It usually started off on the intellectual side, then migrated to either the spiritual or emotional side....or even both.

Before our wedding, it was a bit easier and didn't take too long to get used to the void whenever she flew away after spending a short time together. It got much harder once we got married though. But again, by God's grace, we pushed through and didn't let go of each other, no matter what. It was all over soon and we were together again, once and for all this time. Like she always said, "It will all be in the past soon."

May the INTENTIONALITY in your relationships continue. 

 

 

 

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