My Wife Needs Assurance

 


It was another morning and I anticipated listening to the VN my lovely wife sends me before she goes to bed. As always, it was a joy hearing her voice in the morning, listening to her tell me about her day as I anticipated the awesome toasted, sunny side up eggs and cheese sandwich I’d be having later.

Something about her was different, however. Her voice was low as she shared her heart about how I’d made her feel the day before. She wasn’t as joyful as I’m used to hearing her. Her voice was cracking as she fought back tears, telling me, “I didn’t like your tone. It threw me off. I think it triggered memories of people really close to me using the same tone, though some of them stopped recently. When it comes to you, I just shut down.”

Later that day, as we talked over a video-call like we do everyday when she wakes up, I apologized, “Baby. I’m so sorry for my tone. I didn’t even realize it.”

We explored further, “I guess my tone changes depending on the mood I’m in. It changes when I’m serious about something. It really wasn’t coming from a bad place yesterday.”

“I know it wasn’t coming from a bad place, babe,” she replied. “But it makes me think you are mad at me.”

DANG! I wasn’t even close to being mad at her. And so I had to make it clear, “I wasn’t mad at you at all." And, I had to ask, "How would you have preferred me to express myself?”

“Well…I’m sure you noticed the change in my demeanour,” she calmly pointed out. “So first, you could have stopped and asked me what the matter was.”

“Ok,” I yielded. “And what about when you feel like I’m mad at you, yet I’m not?”

“You can let me know that you are not mad,” she clarified again.

“I see!”

I can only be so thankful to God for not having jumped on the defensive at the start of this conversation, for He kept me grounded and gently whispered to me, “Yes! You haven’t done anything wrong. But just hear her out.” Because, after all was said and done, I’d learned an important lesson: All she needed (& will need) was (is) ASSURANCE!!!

 

 

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