Like She Was Designed - What My Wife Needs to Feel Loved

 

A few days have passed since Valentine's, a popular day around the world in which people celebrate romantic love. Couples get to spend time together and appreciate each other, go out for a nice candle-light dinner, exchange gifts, give flowers, chocolate, you name it. Red becomes the theme/colour of the day and love hearts are seen everywhere, from cards to gift boxes. For some people, it's just another day to celebrate their loved ones. It's not as special as the world makes it to be, in their eyes. They already do it regularly. For others it's the day, apart from birthdays and wedding anniversaries, in which they go an extra mile to see their spouses smile. And for some others, it's a day in which they use the former statement to not do the latter (hehe...Yeah..I just had to). Don't ask me or wonder where I fall. I'm just saying all this because it's the "Month of Love" and it's a pretty cool intro to what I'd like to share about what I learned in my love life.

Regularly do I always pray to God, "Lord, teach me to love her (my Lyse) like You designed her to be loved." Why? I always had this idea of how to treat women to make them happy; give them attention, care, affection, look deep into their eyes, tease them, make them laugh, buy them gifts, sing them songs, etc. Many of these things I learned from the movies I watched, the songs I listened to, the "role models" (players) I watched do their thing, to mention but a few. All these worked, and in many cases, they do...to get the girl. And then what? The goal has been scored, and it's on to the next one. In case it didn't work, it was back to the drawing board and fill the holes in the game, then ask for a rematch. But again...and then what?

None of these were/are enough to keep/build a long lasting relationship, although they are essential in connecting, when genuine. Most of the time, it is so because we enter relationships with perceived blueprints of how to do it, and we forget that people are unique in their own ways. Many of the blueprints we follow are other people's, that are tailor made for them. Don't get me wrong. There are certain universal (I say godly) principles that should be learned and applied. For example, in case of 'Communication', every couple needs to learn to do so in a healthy way to strive. However, every person is communicated to effectively, differently from the other. Just because A responds to B better when the point is hit head on, doesn't mean that it will work as well between C and D. C, in case of an argument, might need to be assured first that he/she is not being blamed for whatever it is D wants to express to/about him/her.

With my lady, as much as she appreciated and loved it when I gave her a rose, I came to find out that she's not quite into red ones. A pink one actually got me a better reaction; she lit up and beamed. Also, I'm into music and poetry, and so it's only natural that I'll write her something sweet and nice. But now I believe she'd enjoy more dancing with me, and I have to find and dust off my dancing shoes, and get my groove back. That one's still a work in progress, but hey...Happy wife, happy life. The classic, cool two-step is a good warm up for the rusty knees.

Anyway, even when it comes to how we resolve conflict, communication is a must, but I've had to learn how and when to effectively communicate with her, and vice versa. At times, when I think something that's needed of me is a bit too much or not quite necessary, God has had to remind me, "It doesn't matter what you think of it. That's what she needs. That's how I designed her. That's how you love her." And I've had to swallow my pride, ego and whatever else because I'm the one who's been praying that prayer. Lord, help me!

We’re all the same in terms of having emotional needs as human beings, yet so different. We can’t follow someone else’s exact blueprint in our love lives. There are the main principles to build on. And when it comes down to you and your GF/BF/Spouse, let God be your guide. After all, He's the main source. So who better to look to than the designer of the blueprint Himself?

(By the way, I've just realised that this doesn't apply only to couples!!!)